Granparents Raising Grandchildren

By John Holt, Cornerstone Psychological Services

The 2000 U.S. Census reports that there were close to 2.5 million households with grandparents raising their grandchildren, and it is likely that the number has increased substantially in the past seven years. Grandparents raising grandchildren are a diverse group ranging in ages from the 30’s to the 70’s with 57% still in the work force and 17% living in poverty.

Children usually move in with grandparents as infants or preschoolers and typically remain with them for five or more years at a time when the grandparents are usually ready to simplify their lives and slow down. Taking on a parenting role at this time in their lives can lead to feelings of grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt, and the financial burdens can be substantial. Not to mention the culture shock at having to deal with children and adolescents of a different generation.

Children removed from their parental homes are at increased risk for emotional trauma, and many children living with grandparents arrive with preexisting problems or risk factors including abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol and loss of parents (e.g., death, abandonment and incarceration). Even babies and toddlers can suffer with mental health difficulties, so it is important that caregivers be alert to the behaviors that may signal a serious problem and contact a pediatrician or mental health professional for help.

If you are caring for your grandchild, you must do your best to meet their needs, but you must also take care of yourself or you won’t be in a position to take care of the children at all. So put your own physical and emotional health first. Selfish? Not if you want to be the best grandparent for your grandchild. Proper exercise, relaxation, healthy diet, limited alcohol, enjoyable activities and humor are all important components of a healthy lifestyle. And ask for help – you cannot do everything yourself.

Support groups (local and Internet), church family, good friends who understand and a variety of agencies (Social Services, schools, health department, community health centers and mental health centers) are at your disposal if you seek them out.

As you work to create a healthy and safe environment, both physically and emotionally, for your grandchild, don’t forget to have fun with them. Positive interactions, being “firm yet kind" (with an emphasis on kind), playing and laughing on their level (relearn this if you must) can help you remember what is really important because some things matter and some things just don't. And if you look back when raising your own children and wish you’d done some things differently, well now’s your chance. Grandparents bring the benefit of experience and perspective and can provide important stability, predictability and be a healthy role model for their grandchildren.

While stressful and often overwhelming, caring for your grandchild can be very positive and rewarding. Communicate well, maintain appropriate rules and boundaries, be flexible and keep that ever important sense of humor. After all, you are doing the most meaningful and important job in the world – growing a kid.

John Holt, Cornerstone Psychological Services (CPS). CPS is the district’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that offers five free counseling sessions per year to eligible employees and/or immediate family members. Call CPS at 540-9400 for information.