Tips for Parents and Caregivers from the Institute for Disaster Mental Health
Stressful events can be difficult for children to understand and to manage. Children’s reactions to stress and trauma are unique to each child, and they’re also affected by his or her age and developmental stage. It’s important to remember that the way you handle your own reactions will directly affect how well your children manage their reactions to stressful events. Helping your child feel safe by providing reassurance and routine is critical.
What Can You Do For Your Child When Stressful Events Happen?
Families provide protection, love, security, a sense of identity, and nurturing and support for all members. These are important strengths to draw on during stressful times, and there’s a lot that adults can do to help children cope with difficult experiences. Adults bring a lifetime of experience, whether positive or negative, to stressful events, which will impact how we respond to new situations. Adults can draw on these experiences and know they can cope and move through a stressful event. Children, however, often do not have many life experiences to draw on. Your child will look towards important adults for guidance and reassurance. Adults need to be physically and emotionally available to children during stressful times.
Other ways to help your child:
- Whenever possible, children should be in a familiar environment with people they feel close to.
- Keep your child’s daily routines the same as much as possible. There is comfort in having things be consistent and familiar.
- Limit the amount of exposure to distressing media images.
- Provide brief and honest communication based on what you think your child can best manage.
- Honor your child’s need to talk about the event; try to have time alone together, when possible.
- Encourage your child to play sports and games with peers, when possible.
- Older children may withdraw emotionally or need time alone apart from the family. Try to encourage them to talk with friends.
- Let your child know how you are feeling, so they understand their feelings are also valid. At the same time, talk about what you are doing to cope and manage your feelings, and how as a family you all can help each other.
Understanding children’s common responses to stressful events can help adults prepare for how they might respond. It’s normal to expect that your child may have problems with eating, sleeping, toileting, and schoolwork, and they may show unusual emotions and behaviors. There may be other specific reactions depending on your child’s age and level of development, like the following.
Where Can You Get More Help?
Many families can cope without outside help. However, there are times when reaching out is important – when the stress is too much or your child’s reactions are different or bigger than usual. Extended family members or religious leaders may offer needed help, but sometimes when the stress is ongoing, it can be helpful to seek out more information or to talk with a trained professional who can provide more support.
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Typical Reactions to Stress and Trauma by Age